Who Are You When I'm Not Lookin?
by FatBoyTorres
Summary: An anonymous third person POV one shot based off of Blake Shelton's "Who Are You When I'm Not Lookin?" A few cuss words in here but nothing that I would think warrants more than a T rating.


**Who Are You When I'm Not Lookin'?**

 _ **So, as I was walking to work yesterday, the Blake Shelton song "Who Are You When I'm Not Lookin'?" came on my phone and for some reason, JJ immediately popped into my head. Now, I'm a die-hard, "I will go down with this ship", Jemily shipper so that's all I write for Criminal Minds fics but I know people ship JJ with almost everyone inside the BAU. So, I've decided to try something different. This story is in an anonymous third person point of view. The person speaking will not be revealed making it (hopefully) possible for anyone reading to insert whomever they ship JJ with. I really hope this works out. Anyway… on with the story.**_

One of the many unwritten 'rules' of working in law enforcement, is to never have people's phone numbers or addresses saved with their actual names. If you're ever abducted or the victim of some weird psycho, they could go after your loved ones; that was a hard lesson learned when Hotch lost Hailey. But, this unwritten rule causes a small smile to spread across my face when I see the words "Pennsylvania Petite" flashed across the screen of my phone. I'm not 100 percent sure who gave JJ the nickname but it's been used for awhile now.

"Hey, Jayje." I answer happily.

"I'm so glad you answered," she sighs as I hear her set down a glass.

"I assume you've had a bad day? Pour a little something on the rocks and call me to get your mind off of it?"

She chuckles, "Exactly, baby. I've missed you."

"I miss you, too. How's the visit with your parents?"

JJ's been in Pennsylvania visiting with her family for the last three days; her brother's wife just gave birth and she was thrilled to go see them. I'm glad she's gotten to visit them but, damn, I really miss her.

"Good. For the most part. The baby is adorable, Jeremiah James Jareau. Clearly my family has a thing for alliteration, at least with the youngest in the family. Alison swears she's not having any more kids. My brother took a picture of me and the baby, posted it on Facebook with the caption "JJ squared", it's kinda cool."

I can hear the smile in her voice, "They named him after you, they just don't want to tell you and make your head any bigger."

She gasps, "Excuse me, I do **not** have a big head! It's not my fault that almost everyone would fall apart if I wasn't around."

"Oh so humble, my dear."

"Always," she laughs and I hear the glass clink on the table again, "Anyway, my parents have been buggin' me about when I'm gunna give them a grandbaby, apparently that beta fish you won me at the fair a few months ago doesn't count."

"How dare our little Gil not be good enough," I mocked.

"Right?! So, I told them we'd get started on that as soon as I got home."

My eyes widen in surprise, "You didn't actually say that, did you, Jay?"

She laughs uncontrollably, "Of course not. But, I just wanted to hear your voice and say I missed you. I'm expected to be at Michael and Allison's at the crack of dawn to welcome them home. Because, I mean, that's exactly what I'd want after pushing out an 8 pound child and spending 4 days in the hospital, a bunch of people in my face."

"Well be careful sliding around the hallway in your socks, ok?"

"Ugh, you ruin all the fun. I love you, baby. I'll see you in a few days, I'm gunna go sink to my nose in a bubble bath."

"I love you, too. I'll see you soon."

A few weeks later, my phone rang at almost midnight on a Thursday. Once again, Pennsylvania Petite came up on the screen.

"Don't you have work tomorrow, Agent Jareau?" I asked with a chuckle, foregoing the usual hello greeting.

"No, I fucking don't." I heard something smash and then JJ let out a deep breath.

"What the hell was that? Are you ok?"

"I got suspended pending some stupid ass investigation because of that case last week."

I took a moment to think through the case, trying to figure out why she would have gotten suspended, "Wait, please tell you it wasn't for punching the suspect in the face?"

"Yep."

Another smashing sound followed by a string of curse words that sounded very odd coming from the small town girl.

"What is all the smashing?"

"That," JJ huffed, "My love, would be me shattering old chipped dishes and glasses on my back patio."

"That's… healthy, I guess. Anyway, why did they suspend you for that? The guy grabbed your ass and tried to lick your neck, for fuck sake."

Another smash, "Tell that to fucking Strauss. The old hag."

I laughed at her last comment, "Baby, take a breather. I've seen how many chipped dishes you have. If you keep smashing you're going to be eating off paper plates."

"Maybe that's a good idea. I have some of that chocolate you bought me last week. Maybe I'll give myself a manicure or something."

"Yeah right, you'll bite the polish off," I heard JJ laugh, we both know I'm right. "Better make it a pedicure. If all else fails, call your mom tomorrow. She always knows something to make you feel better."

I hear her take a deep, calming breath, "You're right. Will you come visit tomorrow night after work? Maybe spend the night?"

"I can't think of anything better to do with my weekend, baby. I'll call you when I'm on my way but I better get some sleep. Not all of us are getting a vacation."

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, Agent. I don't wanna hear you cry next time you get suspended. I love you, sleep well."

Unfortunately, I ended up not being able to make it to JJ's the next night; we got called away on a case. After a long day going over the local PD's notes on the case and formulating our own ideas, it's almost 10 before we get into the hotel and settled into our rooms. I promised JJ I'd call her as soon I was settled so I sat on the lumpy hotel bed, and dialed her number by heart.

"Jareau," she answered breathlessly.

"You ok, baby? Didn't even check the caller ID and you sound out of breath."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good."

"What are you not telling me, JJ?"

She sighs with a light chuckle, "I may or may not be laying in my room, with some music on…"

"Ok, and why would that make you so breathless?"

"The song that came on was the one playing the first time we made love. The time was right so, I was thinkin' of you."

"Oh were you, now? Please, don't let me interrupt. I will wait patiently on the phone while you finish."

"Or," I can hear the obvious dip in her voice with just the one word, "You could help me finish."

"Jennifer Jareau, that's down right scandalous." I kick off my shoes and unbuckle my belt as I fall back onto the bed, "Tell me what you were thinking about."


End file.
